dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
