I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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