I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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