I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
