After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
