Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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