just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize