forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
