I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
