A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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