It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
