So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
