end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
