Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
