Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
