so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
