he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
