When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
