peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Four minutes until I can fart!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
