I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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