I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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