covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
