can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
