judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
