youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
