Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
