so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
