Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
