I cannot find my penis.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize