I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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