I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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