He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
