I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
