We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
