I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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