I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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