She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize