I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
