chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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