Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
