the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
