my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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