last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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