thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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