I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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