Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
