we have officially lost it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
