i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
