There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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