You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I party with great urgency now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize