ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
