ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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