would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
