Have you finally orgasmed yet?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
