Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
