Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
