K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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