Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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