you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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