Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize