I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think i just lost a toe
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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