i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
