She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
