So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
