hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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