We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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