dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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